Thursday, March 27, 2014

Saturday Discussions and Sunday Study

  First and foremost, I just want to celebrate the fact that I found a hat to fit my big head. Finding a cute,
slouchy-type hat has been a hassle for years. I either had to wear a fugly skull cap thing, or pin a hoodie to my head. It took about a month and a half, but I found this cute hat on Amazon that was 2 bucks and came all the way from Italy or somewhere. (It sounds fancy and important when I say that, like I got a designer accessory on my head.)

  This was my look for Saturday; composed of a dress, earrings, and a sweater from Old Navy, with boots from Payless, and tights from this awesome plus size store on Amazon. For added fabulosity, I wore a neck scarf a wonderful tumblr user sent me last year. I'm here for animal prints, if you can't tell.

  The dress was longer and a lot more loose than the preview pic said it would be. Reviews said it came pretty big, so I sized down. I dunno. It was cute-ish, but kinda bordered the "long black frock" line. I made do and bundled up. I was trying to look cute-ish for my meeting!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

When Life Changes...

  I've always said I wanted to go back to school and finish what I've started. Being the college-hopping screwball I am, I think that song and dance gets a little tired for everyone around me. But, since I've converted to Nichiren Buddhism, I've been focused on making drastic changes in my life. I've been focusing on slowly but surely purging the bad things (aka relationships, crappy food choices, watching my temper, staying indoors all the time...) and trying newer things.

  I can't lie, things have been crazy in the household for months as I've been on the turtle trail. With a Baby Boomer for a father, they got interesting, fast. With so many friends with actual jobs and lives plastering their happiness on social media, it was a crushing struggle. Then, I decided to make some changes. I ended the dying long-distance relationship I was holding on to. I started researching colleges. I started saying "yes" to attending more SGI meetings at the center, deciding to fight myself to wake up early to get my chant and praise on. I also decided to speak up and let my goals and desires be put forth into the world.

  While love, getting published, and losing weight will always be on the list, happiness needed a place as well. I wasn't utilizing the wonderfulness of my new religion, still stuck in the fear mode. If I say too much, will these people talk about me? If I hold it in, won't I still be a sad sack of Roni? What do I want in this life? What about my little chart? Old as I am, when was it gonna be MY time to have happy little reports and moments? You can only try to fly and keep hitting the ground so many times!

  I put myself into the universe one toe at a time. Even on days when my body was trying to knock me down, I put forth my best effort. Next thing I know, I'm being asked to become the YWD District Leader for Brainerd! GASP. Everyone was so excited, and I'm combatting the wallflower in my head. I'm still nervous about it, but so many of my SGI fam made it clear--this was going to be good for me. This was going to shape my leadership skills, even though as most people know--I'm a timid voice in the corner, willing to follow rather than lead. My greatest tactics are usually reserved for RPGs.

  My challenges are here for the year--school, getting out of the house more, and becoming a lot more involved with the SGI. The wallflower is being peeled off the wall.

  My first challenge was submitted by Ulysses, and I promise you I swallowed hard in my head when he asked me to MC this Saturday's discussion meeting. ME?! The last time I was lead in a lecture, I was in high school "teaching" my English class for a discussion of Song of Solomon. For three seconds, I felt like I could be a teacher. I think I doubted myself, did okay, but pushed the idea in the back of my head.

  Well, today, I'm sort of back in that role. I think that I'll be playing a lot of roles this year, and it's going to be important for me to have as much faith in myself as possible, boxing the usual fears that hold me back. And so, life changes again. Going to East-West University, and participating a lot more at the SGI Chicago Culture Center. :3


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